Fair warning here,  if ya don't like "boring trite blog enteries"  then do piddle along to the next blog...

Thank you.

Now,  it's been a strange day here,  I don't quite know what to make of it.  People are so damn strange,  so wonderful,  and so,  so.....well just plain confusing.

One lady that lives here has been so nice to me!  She gave a caftan that is satin in fabric,  and the colors are rich and vibrant.  Colors I'd never choose on purpose,  yet they bring out the green and gold in my hazel eyes,  showoff the golden brown highlights of my hair,  accent the paleness of my Welsh skin..  anyway she's now making me an afgan,  something I"ve wanted for years,  in the colors I adore,  lavender and blue,  with a hint of aqua thrown in.

Why?  I don't know her.   She's married,  they have children,  a cat and seem to have an active life in the community so I don't think she's lonely,  then again one never knows for sure when they "don't know" someone really well.  At any rate she's been a delight to talk to and is a very positive person!

One of the caretakers that lives here, ( and is single)  and I have had several chances to talk and he's been through a lot.  He's lost one daughter,  has another that's a "black sheep",  and has one that does him proud.

He's confirmed the suspicions I've had about this place and we're of the same mind when it comes to the way management is inconsistent in rules,  and that management doesn't know how to get along with people or how to treat them.

This doesn't change anything,  however it's good to know that others are fed up too,  and that it's not "just me".  I've heard from so many about how they detest managements' unfair practices that I'm wondering how long I can last here. 

I AM able to go into "computer mode" for awhile,  am too dang good at isolating myelf,  and can stay the hell outta people's way when I want to.  How long I can drag it out though is another thing...

Many have moved out in the short 7 months I've lived here,  one moved to a bigger town where there's "some life"!  just to quote him...    another went back to his home town as he's ill and wants to be with family,  another just moved to Texas to be around family,  and many more.

The really older ones,  in their 80's and 90's seem quite content here,  and while they don't like some of the unfair treatment,  they seem like they've given up,  just resigned themselves to it. 

Winter isn't far away here in MN.  and I'm still tired from just moving in Feb.!  I'm just now really getting into decorating an apt. the way I've ALWAYS wanted my very own home!  Move?  again?  OUCH!

Perhaps I can find lots of things to do in town and not be home too much....except for evenings.  I think that would be the ticket!

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I got an email from a cousin on Thursday,  her mother AND her brother both died in August.....both to cancer!  How very,  very sad...  Her brother is the third person,  from my mom's side of the family,  to die of lung cancer.  The cousin's mom was an aunt through marriage and I didn't know her at all as my mom's brother and this aunt divorced when I was quite young.

What I truly feel sad for is her loss,  both of them,  at the same time.  He was just diagnosed this past May,  and went quickly.  I know this coming Christmas will be hard for her family,  as they gather in Chippewa Falls every year to see the lighting of the lights in Irvine Park and have their celebration there in the town where we all grew up. 

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The leaves are turning color up here already,  because of the severe drought we had this summer,  and the Canada Geese haven't left yet though,  they usually do in August...cause it starts getting cooler.

What with having had something like over 23 days of 90 degree heat in July,  then the wettest August on record ( save for one in 1849) I can't help but wonder what winter will bring?

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The doctor that was supposed to build my ankle brace forgot to put the cotton stocking,  for my foot,  in his bag so now I have to re-schedule that appt.,   the dentist was sick and couldn't keep our appt. so my "torus" on the roof of the inside of my mouth didn't get shaved off,  so I got to re-schedule THAT! 

HA!  The lab at the hospital,  on last Wednesday,  only drew one tube of blood for one test.  They called and told me I got to come in again as soon as possible as they forgot to draw enought for 5 tests! 

Jeesh...does it ever end?

and so it goes...I've activated my new bank check card for my new account,  after spending a week looking for it,  ( the maintenance guy and I moved my living room around)  and I balanced my account,  after having had a major spending spree   and even though the cupboards are full,  as is the freezer,  and I've got everything I ever wanted,  I still cried tonight when I saw the end of "Titanic"  the part where she drops the necklace into the ocean....and the music plays and Celine sings,  and the scene takes her back in time....all I could think about was Val....and how it used to be "back in the day"....

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So many people have died,  people that I've known and loved,  some that I didn't get to know yet felt a bond to....so much sadness here in MN.  The floods,  the bridge collapsing....it's difficult to keep,  and/or put it into perspective.....I didn't know the people that were victims of any of those tragedies,  yet I feel sad for them. 

I don't know that I could just "shut that off" like so many water faucets or light switches....perhaps that what keeps me human,  cause if I could shut it off,  then how could I feel caring for others and remember to be more loving?  We only live just soooo long and any minute any of us could be just another piece of dust...

So that's my wandering,  wondering,  frazzled Saturday night mind....sad,  thankful,  and confused.  Nothing new.