Many thanks to all of you for your kind and caring thoughts and words.  I have located a person in a nearby town that can help with the emotions,  grief,  ect.......  too much is going on that involves not just my family,  me too so time for a consult!

Starkers,  was so very sorry to read of your loss of Toby!  and in such a vicious way!  I bet he was cute  

ElanaAhova,  thank you too,  your words hit home so accurately,  about embracing the sorrow and hurt,  for I did that exactly.  Now as you and others wisely say ,  remember the happy moments.  
That is a good thing to do,  I'm delighted that there is videos of him to smile over!  I have some of him on youtube,  when i first got Cocoa.

Sydney,  yup they love without any conditions!  they don't try to change us,  and so dang happy to see us when we come home!

Redneck Dude,  I read about your fur baby, Spanky.  Oh such a loss...sorry!  thank you for for your kind words.

JuniorCrooks-  I've talked with a couple of people that have lost their pet to either age, illness, ect.  and the pain is always there.  I totally get the part about not getting another dog,   a parrot is awesome!  I've considered having a parakeet.  I love how,  like parrots,  they can imitate sounds and words! thank you too

Cameochi,  your words touched my heart.  Thank you so much,  hugs to you too!

and DRJ,  yup,  am taking your suggestion,  my mind can only handle so much and then I either become a hermit,  or melt into a puddle of tears...thank you much for the wise and also for the support